setting boundaries. (Beth P)

Ok, so Beth B's husband Ken said months and months ago that I should read the book "Boundaries:When to Say Yes How to Say No" by Henry Cloud.

  I downloaded it.


And then gave myself permission to read it "later".  Well, I am reading it now (many, many months later).

Wish I had read it months ago! lol!

This is gonna sound corny, but y'all, EVERYONE could benefit from reading this book.  (Unless you are a single hermit living in the mountains with a bear named Ben,  then you could skip it.)

I am a "yes" girl, a "people pleaser" a girl who often grabs onto other peoples problems and runs with them, tries to fix them, or at least ease the load, or pressure or whatever my little heart can do. That sounds really "sweet" doesn't it!

HA! It's not.  For so many reasons!

I often don't set good boundaries, at home, at work, and even at church. I often say yes to the wrong things and no to the wrong things! And miss focus on the things I should be doing first.

I have 18 pages of notes from the book, y'all, and I am not even done.  Where do I start?!?!

Here is the first quote that hit me:

"Part of taking responsibility, or ownership is knowing what is our job, and what isn't..... she ends up taking on problems God never intended her to take on...."

DANG! I do that! And what a weight was lifted when I realized that I do that! Then I realized I might be missing other important responsibilities when I am busy taking on ones that are not mine to take on! I want what HE wants for me not all the stuff I latch onto! This problem stems from not having proper boundaries!

Ok, so maybe you cannot relate to that.

Try this:

"...don't be afraid to confront my critical internal conscience that is sometimes too harsh..."

Come on, tell me I am not the only one with an overly critical internal conscience?!?!

Ok, here is another random quote:

"Confronting an irresponsible person is not painful to him; only the consequences (of his irresponsibility) are."

Yep!

Sometimes, "....It is not good to rescue someone from the consequences of their sin, for you will only have to do it again. You have reinforced the pattern." Proverbs 19:19.

I could go on an on with quotes and principles about boundaries.  Want me to? Want more or do you just wanna read the book!?

He goes on to confront myths that surround setting up boundaries.  Then talks about the war over boundaries, and also gets into resistance when new boundaries are set.  Really good stuff, cause he relates this to every relationship - spouses, parents, children, friends, co-workers, church family, etc.

I think y'all get that I love this book.  Just saw that there is a workbook!!! AND a series that dig deeper into the specific relationships. Man, I need a firm grip on boundaries!

How about y'all?

Tell me about a boundary you have set OR NEED TO SET!